The Hidden Need in the Need to Be Busy
If you have time, meditate for an hour; if you don’t, meditate for two. Really?
I had to read it twice believing I read it the wrong way around. Hmmm … I actually read it correctly the first time … rolled my eyes and moved on … but the quote kept nagging me …
Meditate for an hour was something I thought was crazy anyway. Who has time to meditate for an hour every day, right?! With so much to do and so little time to do it, spending 60 minutes doing nothing seemed irresponsible. Lucky those who have an hour to do that!!!
If you don’t, then meditate for two … Is this a joke? Must be a joke. Two whole hours of sitting and doing nothing!!! Needless to say what a storm of thoughts, not all kind towards the author of that quote, have passed through my mind. I had a really good imaginary conversation with that person and, believe you me, I did not hold back!
The Need You Need To Let Go
But those words kept on coming back to me, at the most unexpected times. Ok, clearly there’s something I need to look into here so I can put this thing to rest, after all I am very busy!
So one day I just sat down on a meditation cushion, silenced my environment, both external and internal and kept on asking one question: Why am I so reactive? Why am I so reactive? Why am I so reactive? And then I stopped to allow the answer to come to me …
… Be careful what you wish for, right!? … In quite a blunt way, the reality of the situation hit me: I need to be busy, I thrive on how extremely busy my schedule is, I pride myself with feeling exhausted … ok, I soooo did not see that coming …
Next question: Why do I have those needs? Why do I have those needs? Why do I have those needs? … Because that’s the measure of my self-worth … The more I do, the more people I meet, the more things I have to take care of, the more decisions I make a day, the better I feel about myself.
People need me = I’m important
I solve problems = I’m smart
I take care of everybody = I’m needed
Can you see what’s happening here? … I was getting my oxygen in a very toxic way … Sadly, the level of my self-worth was dependant on others, on external factors, which is unsustainable if you want to truly feel good about yourself, if you want to value yourself.
Measuring yourself against other’s opinions and/or needs is never a healthy way of living. They will put their needs ahead of yours and will act accordingly. The more willing you are to fulfil their needs, the less you will be able to look after yours.
Remember that you must put on your own oxygen mask first and only then help others … Lots of wisdom in that instruction, follow it!
Spark Your Bloom Today and Everyday!