Self-worth and self-love seem to be recurring themes in my process of discovering who am I and what makes me complete.

I grew up in a communist country where the way of motivating and instilling the desire to succeed in children was done by putting them down, by mocking them, by the use of physical force. I suppose it was all about triggering the fight or flight reaction, the desire to fight back, to prove them wrong, to show you can.

I can see where that was coming from, with hindsight I can even understand why parents and teachers behaved like that. I now can look back at those times without feeling I was wronged. It was a system where the need to survive was great. A time when the country was run by enforcing fear and only the strong survived, so children needed to be made strong.

But what I also learnt is the depth of the damage to the self-worth of those exposed to such a treatment especially during childhood and adolescence when one is formed.

I understood where all my fears where coming from and how I subconsciously was attracted to those people in my life who would feed those fears, those feelings of unworthiness. I understood why every time I reached success I decided to start from zero … I was not worth that success. I was not worth to be treated nicely, I did not deserve all of that … how could I?

Until one day when the pain got just too much to bear, when enough was enough, until the day I understood that I was worth it, that I deserved more … It was the day I decided to start learning to love myself.

Imperfection Is Not Something To Be Ashamed Of

It was a challenging process that involved a lot of crying, a lot of questioning, a lot of dangling between guilt, disappointment, anger, resentment, forgiveness, letting go … I read a lot, spent as much time in solitude as I could, took long walks and long baths.

A year or so later I’m in a great place. Can’t say that all my issues are resolved, they never are, but I’m aware of who I am, of what I deserve and I don’t settle for less. And now I laugh a lot, a true laugh coming from a place of love. I stopped being ironic and sarcastic about myself and that’s when I knew I’m healed.

Best Gift To Yourself: The Gift Of Imperfection

One book that really helped me in my process is The Gift os Imperfection by Brene Brown. A book that I very dearly recommend you read regardless of how you feel about yourself. It’s a book that either helps you to learn to love and accept yourself the way you should or is a good way to check whether you’re still aligned with your true self, so nothing to loose. And she’ll make you smile along the way too, so nothing to loose really.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, Ph.D., a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging, shares what she’s learned from a decade of research on the power of “Wholehearted Living” – a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.

In her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning with this thought. “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.” And to go to bed at night thinking, “Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave”. And, “Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging”.

Spark Your Bloom Today and Everyday!