I know for a fact that the hardest challenges in motherhood centre mostly around the mother, rather than the children. This is why I found mindfulness so useful in understanding both myself as a mother and my kids.

I had children at a pretty young age. So if I am honest, I would say that I grew up with them. I can also honestly say that I had no idea of the level of responsibility that came with bringing a life into the world.

I will never forget the panic and anxiety that I felt when reality kicked in, shortly after I gave birth to my first child.

I look back at that moment when I first saw my son with fondness now, of course, but at the time my feelings were so raw and strong that I was completely overwhelmed.

Nobody and nothing prepared me for that moment. Somehow, deep down, I knew that I would handle this new situation and that my son and I would be ok.

Motherhood Challenges Never End

Today, my son is 21. When I look back over the last twenty one years, there are two moments that stand out clearly. Two incidences which I found particularly challenging as a mother. One when he was about 14 , the other more recently.

I have always had a great relationship with my children, so when it felt like communication between my son and I had broken down, I felt completely lost. I kept questioning where I had gone wrong and why I didn’t know what was happening with my son. It led me to question my abilities as a mother. Had I made the right choices during motherhood? I questioned everything.

Then, one evening, whilst away on a business trip, I decided to write to him a very honest letter and let him know how I felt.

Tell Your Children How You Feel

The letter was about me, how I perceived things and the way that I felt. I also explained that as he is my first child, I am still learning how to be his mother as he grows. That when he was born, he didn’t come with an instruction manual. I have had to learn what to do for the best, day by day, step by step.

Once I got the hang of being the mother of a baby, he became a toddler, when I just caught up with being the mother of a toddler, he moved on to being a child and so on.

A constant cycle of shifting and adapting until he suddenly became a teenager.

Now, it seemed like I once again needed a bit more time to catch up. I asked him openly to be patient and help me to better understand his needs. You know, that letter in all its simplicity and vulnerability worked wonders, it not only mended our relationship, it actually took things to a whole new level and our relationship flourished and grew again.

A Mindful Approach to Motherhood

The second challenging occasion took place when he was in his late teens. Very interesting times for both of us. Again, there was a disconnect, only this time, being an active mindfulness practitioner, I stopped to consider what was triggering my negative feelings.

I reflected on my fears and where they were coming from, as well as the places where I needed to heal. It was an extremely powerful exercise, but having done the work, I know that it was worth it. My relationship with my son has been repaired and we not only enjoy, but actively seek out each other’s company.

Precious Lessons About Motherhood

• One of the biggest things that I have learnt is that my son is now an adult too. His life choices may not align with mine, but that doesn’t mean that they are wrong for him.
• This leads to the second important conclusion: that I must let him go and allow him to deal with his challenges himself.
• Most importantly, that his new-found independence doesn’t make me any less important to him or mean that I am no longer of value to him.

I guess the motherhood challenges will never end and that’s ok. I’m learning to be the mother of a young adult … and loving it!

SparkYourBloom Today and Everyday!