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valentines day

Looking for a Valentine’s Day Date? Look No Further!

 

With Christmas and New Year’s gone, next excitement on the list is Valentine’s Day! And, boy oh, boy, what an excitement that is! It’s all about the card, the message, the chocolates, the surprise, the lavishing of love, in all shapes and forms.

 

On the other one… But what if there’s no other one. What if you’re single?

 

There’s probably no other day in the year when single people feel more left out, ostracised even, than Valentine’s Day. Well, I’m single and I have been for the last couple of years. So I know exactly how it feels to be single on the day that celebrates love.

 

My Single Valentine’s Day (s)

 

The first Valentine’s Day I spent being single was quite dreadful, damn right painful. Talking of Blue Monday? A breeze compared to the levels of blue I reached that Valentine’s Day. But since then, I learned one amazing thing, and as cheesy at it may sound, I actually learned that the love that matters most, the one true love is the love for myself. I know, I know, you’re rolling your eyes, but bear with me …

Reflecting on my life when I was at my lowest, one thing became very clear. The only one person always present in my life regardless, the only constant, is myself. Parents, friends, lovers, partners, even kids, come and go minding their own lives. But through it all, good and bad, the only one who never leaves, who always shows up, is myself. What I also learnt was that the person I beat up most and show the least love to, was myself. Hmmm … not that right, is it?

 

Do You Really Love Yourself?

 

Might seem like an easy and obvious realisation, but wasn’t quite like that, at least not for me. When I started to look back with different eyes and started to realise how badly I’ve been treating myself, I was flooded with feelings of guilt, shame, anger and frustration. Couldn’t believe how tough I was on myself, but, at the same time, I was grateful I finally became aware of my behaviour towards myself and I could change it. And that I’ve done! And still doing.

When the next Valentine’s Day came, I was ready to celebrate. Instead of feeling lonely and alone, unloved and sad, I welcomed the day with big smiles and a heart full of love and gratitude. As it happened I was away on a business trip, so being in a different city was even more exciting. Went for dinner on my own and treated myself to a lovely meal. Then went for a walk back to the hotel, run a bubble bath, indulged on a glass of champagne and celebrated the one true love, the one that never fails, the worthiest of them all, myself. Cheers to me!

 

I Need Love vs I Want Love

 

Since the beginning of time we are being told that we are not complete until we find someone else to complete us. That we need our other half to be truly happy, etc. Truth is, once I started to love and appreciate myself and begun treating myself with kindness and compassion, things have changed. The most positive change was turning the need to find a partner into a want. Might seem like the same thing, but it’s actually quite different, worlds apart.

When in a place of need, we are anxious and afraid not to have it. We tend to compromise to an extent that whatever it is we want so badly, especially a relationship, starts to work against ourselves. We tend to put others ahead of ourselves out of the fear of being alone, incomplete, judged.

Heavy emotions to carry around and, who’s to blame in such a situation? Ourselves, of course …

 

What if I would’ve been more this and that, what if I would’ve done this and that, become our mantras. In reality, nothing we could’ve/should’ve done would’ve made a difference, because it wasn’t the right relationship for us.

 

When in a place of want, the whole energetic charge is different, much more positive.

The choice is ours, we are not at the mercy of someone else who makes those choices that are right for them and not necessarily aligned with ours.

When in a place of want, we tend to compromise less, and, when we do, is on things that don’t affect us fundamentally. If I could use a metaphor here, I would say is choosing vanilla instead of chocolate ice cream, rather than having to choose cheesecake when you really wanted ice cream. See what I mean?

 

Treat Your Single Valentine’s Day Whit Treats

 

Going back to my Valentine’s Day date with myself … Have I received odd looks when I showed up by myself at the restaurant? Yes! Did I care? No! Have the couples in the room look oddly at myself? Yes! Was I bothered? No! Will I do it again this year? Yes! Will I be sad I’m still on my own? No!

  • If it’s your first Valentine’s Day on your own and not quite ready to face the lovely bubbly world out there alone, then maybe spending it tucked away in the comfort of your home is a better option this time. Make it an evening when you spoil yourself with any and all things you enjoy doing.
  • Is being at home too much to handle? How about you spend the night in a hotel and let others spoil you. You can order room service, run a bath with all your favourite salts, foams, oils. Leave it all behind and start a new experience refreshed and feeling better about yourself.
  • Everything you do should be about you and you alone. Do you like receiving flowers? Order yourself a bouquet of your favourite kind and write yourself a beautiful note. Buy yourself the food, the booze, the chocolate, the candle, whatever it is that you like and spend Valentine’s Day showing all the love to the one who truly matters, You.

SparkYourBloom Today and Everyday!

 

Mihaela is a Cambridge certified executive coach who works with and advises board members, top-level executives and entrepreneurs seeking to excel in their career. Her client portfolio ranges from prestigious national to large international businesses.Her approach is focused on exploring personal and professional values, understanding aspirations, removing barriers and visualising the path to success. She hosted a top-ranking TV show and published two best-selling books dedicated to career success.

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